"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

- Mark Twain

The Tourist's Prayer


Heavenly Father look down on us your humble, obedient tourists, who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs, and walking around in drip-free underwear.

We beseech you Lord to see that our planes are not delayed, our luggage is not lost & overweight baggage goes unnoticed.

Give us this day your divine guidance in our selection of bed 'n' breakfast.

We pray that the toilets work and the telephone operators speak our tongue, that there are no emails from our children which would cause us to cancel the rest of our trip.

Lead us to good inexpensive restaurants where the wine is included in the price of the meal and local taxes are not added on later.

Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand. Make the natives appreciate us for the loving people we are, and not for what they can extract from our purses.

Grant us the strength to visit museums, the cathedrals, the palaces, and if we skip an important monument to take a nap after lunch, please have mercy on us as our flesh is weak.

Dear God please protect our wives from "bargains" they don't need, can't afford, and can't fit into their suitcases anyway. Lead them not into temptation, for they know not what they do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to the vintage domestic model. Save them from making complete fools of themselves in nightclubs. Above all, do NOT forgive them their trepasses for they know exactly what they do. And worse, enjoy it.

When our journey is over. grant us the persistence to find someone who will watch our home movies and listen to our stories, so our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.

This we ask you in the name of Conrad Hilton, Thomas Cook, American Express, Visa, & Mastercard.

Amen.

Islands I've visited  (I may have forgotten about some!)

  

Anglesey (W Wales) 

Arran (Firth of Clyde, W Scotland)

Auckland (NZ subantarctic island)

Bordøy (Faeroe)

Bressay (Shetland)

Brownsea (Dorset, S England) 

Bruny (S Tasmania)

Bryher (Scilly, SW England)

Bute (Firth of Clyde, W Scotland) 

Campbell (NZ subantarctic island)

Chatham (NZ - a kink in the international dateline!)

Devenish (Lough Fermanagh, N Ireland)

Dun (St Kilda, Western Isles, Scotland)

East Burra (Shetland)

Eday (Orkney)

Efate (Vanuatu)

Enderby (Auckland group - NZ subantarctic island)

Eysturøy (Faeroe)

Fair Isle (Shetland)

Farne Islands

Fetlar (Shetland)

Flotta (Orkney)

Fraser island (Queensland)

Gigha (Western Isles, Scotland)

Granite Island (South Australia)

Graemsay (Orkney)

Harris (Western Isles, Scotland)*

Hilbre (Wirral, NW England)*

Hirta (St Kilda, Western Isles, Scotland)

Hoy (Orkney)

Inchailloch (Loch Lomond, Scotland)

Incholme (Lake of Mentieth, Scotland)

Inisfallen (Lough Leane, Eire)

Iona (Western Isles, Scotland) 

Ireland’s Eye (County Dublin, Eire)

Islay (Western Isles, Scotland)

Isle of Cumbrae (Firth of Clyde, W Scotland) 

Isle of Man (Irish Sea)  

Isle of May (Firth of Forth, E Scotland)

Isle of Wight (S England) 

Jersey (English channel) 

Jura (Western Isles, Scotland) 

Kangaroo Island (South Australia)

Kihzi (Petrovadosk lake, Russia)

Kunøy (Faeroe)

Lewis (Western Isles, Scotland)* 

Lidisfarne (Northumberland, England)* 

Looe (S Cornwall, England) 

Lord Howe (NSW, Australia)

Lundy (N Cornwall, England)

Matiu (Somes Island), NZ - in Wellington harbour 

Mousa (Shetland)

Moutohora (Whale Island), NZ

Mull (Western Isles, Scotland) 

Nordkapp (Norway)

Norfolk (Pacific)

North Ronaldsay (Orkney)

Noss (Shetland)

Orkney mainland

Otamahua (Quail Island), NZ - in Lyttleton harbour

Papa Westray (Orkney)

Pele (Vanuatu)

Phillip Island (Victoria, Australia)

Pitt (Chatham, NZ - a kink in the international dateline!)

Rakiura (Stewart Island), NZ

Ripapa Island, NZ - in Lyttleton harbour

Rousay (Orkney)

Sanday (Orkney)

Santo (Vanuatu)

St. Agnes (Scilly, SW England)

St. Helen’s (Scilly, SW England)

St. Martin’s (Scilly, SW England)

St. Mary’s (Scilly, SW England)

Shapinsay (Orkney)

Shetland mainland

Skye (Western Isles, Scotland) 

Snares (NZ subantarctic islands)* 

Solvetsky (Russia)

Stremøy (Faeroe)

Sudurøy (Faeroe)

Tanna (Vanuatu)

Tasmania

Tiree (Western Isles, Scotland)

Trakai (Lithuania)

Trondra (Shetland)

Ulva (Rakiura, NZ)

Unst (Shetland)

Vancouver island

Vidøy (Faeroe)

West Burra (Shetland)

Westray (Orkney)

Whakaari (White Island), NZ

Yell (Shetland)

 

*  not really islands: these are “part-time” islands which are only cut off for part of the day!

*  different ends of the same island!

*  zodiac cruise – landing not permitted

Countries I've visited 

  

Algeria 

Austria 

Australia 

Belgium

Canada

China

Denmark

Estonia

Egypt

Faeroe islands

Finland

France

Germany

Iceland

India

Ireland

Israel

Italy

Jordan

Lithuania

Morocco

Nepal

Netherlands

New Zealand

Norfolk island

Norway

Portugal

Russia

Spain

Sweden

Switzerland

Turkey

UK

USA

Vanuatu

Zimbabwe 

___________________________

 

Where I’ve spent Easter

 

Austria

Australia (ACT)

Australia (Queensland)

England

Ireland (Republic)

New Zealand (North Island)

New Zealand (South Island)

Northern Ireland

Norway

Scotland

Switzerland

Wales

___________________________

 

Where I’ve spent Christmas

 

Austria

England

Finland

New Zealand (North Island)

New Zealand (South Island)

Scotland

Switzerland

Tasmania

Wales

Zimbabwe

___________________________

 

Where I’ve spent New Year

 

England

Ireland (Republic)

New Zealand (North Island)

New Zealand (South Island)

Norway

Scotland

Switzerland

Tasmania

Wales

Zimbabwe

 


‎سلام, Salam, Peace, Aroha, Kia Kaha